When I am an old woman I shall wear purple With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me. And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves And satin sandals and say we've no money for butter. And I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells And run my stick along the public railings And make up for the sobriety of my youth. I shall go out in my slippers in the rain And pick the flowers in other people's gardens And learn to spit. You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat And eat three pounds of sausages at a go Or only bread and a pickle for a week And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes. But now we must have clothes that keep us dry And pay our rent and not swear in the street And set a good example for the children. We will have friends to dinner and read the papers. But maybe I ought to practice a little now? So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

You love pink, we love pink, our friends in China love pink - so they made this garment just for you. *** Who Cares Made on the third planet from the Sun, in the USA *** Predicted in Paris Designed in Milan Constructed in China Admired in Barcelona Noted in New York

Number one. Overused words. All those words that annoy the hell out of us. Webinar. Wordsmith! And organic, everything is bloody organic these days - well, literally, everything is organic. Random, sweet, awesome, POP. My list of words that make me shiver:YUM/YUMMY from anybody over the age of 6. FASHIONISTA - only dorks say that! Also, A WHITE LIE  - a lie is a lie, so you accept the fact of lying and just do it. HUBBY. VINTAGE - not all junk is vintage, I am sorry. To DIE FOR - nothing is worth dying for, especially in the retail sense. How are WE today, from waitresses and staff. Number Two. Top Ten Rudest Questions. Heh, this is what I hate being asked. 1. Where is your accent from? Especially if it is the first question they ask. From the moon, of course. 2. So, tell me about Russia. Russia is so vast, if you really want to know something, just ask a specific question. How's Russia these days also won't do it. 3. So you do _this_for a living. Are you any good? Whatever I have done in this life, people always ask that. What am I supposed to answer here? I am hopeless, but persistent, that's what. 4. So, what are you, from Romania? I can tell it's Eastern Europe. No comments here. 5. So, how's married life? It sucks! We totally don't like each other anymore now that we have a piece of paper that says we're stuck together forever. What did you think was going to happen? And also, now that we're married, it's totally weird that we live together, even though we have for over a year. EVERYTHING IS SO DIFFERENT NOW. I mean, the toilet water even swirls in a different direction!

Hey, I deserve it! Some me time. Bit of a treat. Luxury. Spoiling myself. Pampering. I mean, I work hard. Really hard. Not paid work, necessarily. But I've got a lot on. Especially at this time of the year. People rely on me. If I say I'm going to be there, I'm there. You could call some of it social, I suppose, but it's all about meeting commitments, isn't it? Zipping across town. Coffee meeting here, lunch there. Drinks date somewhere else. And trying to keep on top of the family stuff. Drop-offs. Pick-ups. So when it is all too much, I'm just like "Maria, book me in!" She knows what I’m talking about. Half a day. That’s all. Into the big fluffy robe. The slippers. The paper g-string. Herbal tea and the bit of the odd whale music to wind down. Wind chimes. Bit of the old aroma therapy. Mmm. Soothing. Hot stone massage. Lovely. Vichy shower. Reaches everywhere! Brilliant. Massage, of course. Staff are nice. Filipinas, mostly. Russians. Something like that. Strong hands, too! Bit of a skin peel. Takes years off. Hair removal. Ouch. Everywhere. Doubly ouch! Vital with summer coming on, though! Bit more herbal tea. More whale music. Wee bit of lunch. Gluten-free. Dairy-free. Macrobiotic. Vegan. Juices. Not very filling. Never mind (meeting up for tapas later). Then the pedicure. Manicure. Picking the colour. Fuchsia? Not too, sort of, Russian? Full facial. Oxygen facial. So hydrating. Smoothes the wrinkles. Madonna swears by it (must get around to reading that Kabbala book!). All the latest techniques. Latest products. Scalp massage. Pressure points. Spoilt rotten! Fully pampered. Come out of it feeling like a million dollars. Two million. A bit lightheaded, sure, but what’s new! Sometimes even all that doesn’t feel like it’s going to be enough. That’s when a girlfriend and I take an overnighter. At a lodge. Somewhere nice. Chocolate on the pillow. Fruit basket. Herbal tea. Fluffy robe. Filipinas. Russians. Luxury. But we deserve it! We’ve got a lot on..!

Today, as I see, you are especially wistful and sad, And arms are especially thin around the knees Hey, listen..! somewhere far, by the lake named Chad, An exquisite giraffe makes the paths.

The food fights. The home movies. The birds and the bees. The total meltdowns. The precious nights when the kids are away. Fondue. Fad diets. Midnight snacks. Home improvement project. The reunions. The hangovers. The growing pains. The chemistry experiments. The tragedy of the goldfish. Finger paints. Pirouettes. Baking smells. First steps. Fat lips. Cough syrup. Lullabies. Rough housing. And beneath it all, the underlying beauty of every single day.