I just do not seem to understand everybody's obsession with Susan Boyle. Yes, she can sing ok. Yes, she's got a strong and clear voice. I mean, hello, nowadays, who hasn't? Seriously, if you sing in a church choir for over 30 years with no silly distractions like family or career - you'd be there. Anyone could be a fairly good singer, or a businessman, or a Gordon Ramsey, given this long. Moreover, get yourself a solfeggio teacher, and in six months you'd nail all the Korean karaoke joints. In a year you'd sing in a local pub, and then the suburban sky is really a limit there. I just suspect that the whole success of Ms S Boyle is based on the contrast of how ugly she looks and how pleasantly she sings. Like hey, this crap's got talent. Oh well, shame shame shame.

Was it Nietzsche who said that marriage is a hindrance and a calamity on the path to the optimum? Lucky boy - he believed he was on the path to optimum - let alone he believed in the optimum itself. I wish I could be that optimistic. I do believe in marriage however. I believe that big white weddings are fun and, if you are lucky enough to organise it, provide many sweet photographs. Besides, one cannot have too many rings on their fingers. In the movie Love in the Times of Cholera the husband says to the wife that the most important thing about life is not love but laughter. Well, apart from the fact that the movie was endless and I lost all hope about the main characters getting together in the next few hours, I actually liked it. I did not see myself in it - oh, no; but I kind of liked the notion. One way or another, at times I imagine a giant clock up the wall-papered wall, a huge hand slowly moving across the face and measuring up the hours of my marriage, with an occasional cuckoo tinker. I do not believe in eternal recurrence, not did I like Groundhog Day, yet there is something very reassuring about being married. But this is a totally, totally different story.

The first musical I ever saw was Chicago, and it wasn't even a live show, it was the movie. I loved it so much, I had it on DVD and listened to it like 800 times. (Yes, I treated it like a background compilation CD). When 5 years later I saw the "real" Chicago on Broadway, New York, I was shocked to see how the movie makers misinterpreted the story and how my love of Catherine Zeta Jones made me buy it. The most unusual thing about it was the orchestra taking the whole stage and then the dancers performing literally around it - how fascinating!  I was glad I saw it there, in one of those tiny, ancient, original theatres on Broadway, with the flat seating stalls and very post-war amenities, with the smelly halls and queues at the exit. All of this will go, maybe even sooner than we think, and those bunkers will be replaced with the modern "glass and brass", exceptionally convenient theatres. Oh well, Mamma Mia is my second favourite. I have seen it live twice, once when it came to New Zealand in 2005 and then in Las Vegas in 2008, and I must say, I will go again, given the chance. These two performances were exactly identical, and even the actor types were very similar. I only like ABBA for the musical's sake, and in all honesty cannot stand the lyrics without the context  - how cheesy! how naive and commercial! Yet I do own a CD, and I like it. Nevertheless,  I had no idea what to expect from a movie, although I had been looking forward to it for a good while. I imagined it should have the best of both genres - the camera would make the stage limitations disappear and the famous cast would ooze that charisma into the cheesy songs. I imagined fantastic views and airbrushed actresses and even greatest tunes. Of course, none of it happened. Meryl Streep (I know, I know she is big in the States!) could sing, but it seemed like she had lost her ability to act altogether - what was that rolling on the floor along "Money Money Money"? Pierce Brosnan was great at dazzling his famous smile around, but he couldn't sing at all. At all! He struggled throughout the movie with single lines, but was still given the entire song at the end. I almost cried, this is how pathetic he was. The girl (Sophie) looked like a bleached transvestite. Donna's friends looked like they had known better times. Colin was all right though. The only thing I really liked was the chorus (even the views of the Greek Isles could have been more picturesque!) The bottomline is that if something costs around $80 to see, there is probably a reason to it. You can pay $15 and get a substitute, but the best deal is $2 for a dvd hire. Can use that coupon, too.

All my life I had wanted to go to America. All my life I had listed it in the top 10 - to visit, to see, to touch, to feel. It didn't even matter to me which part of America, as long as it was on the coast. When I was growing up, America was something like Mars - as unavailable and undesirable to live in, but still as attractive travel-wise. I had never admired America the way everybody who likes adventure literature admires Australia. Yet the Indians (the Mohican!) , the treasure hunts, the Scarlett O'Hara story - all of that kept it very high up my wish list. I had a great time in all four states I visited. I know it was very touristy, yet I wanted it to be touristy to the point of being tacky, so I didn't mind much. Crabs at Pier 39 in San Francisco, humble gambling in Vegas, a Broadway show in New York (the horses in Central Park unfortunately didn't happen, too damn cold. ) Nice country, I thought, - probably even great for retirement. Until I saw Sicko. Bloody hell! America, being one of the vastest, richest and certainly the loudest countries on the planet cannot provide proper medical care for its citizens. I know they say we are spoilt here in New Zealand. The more I travel the more I realise how great this country is, and how lucky we are to have the freshest seafood cheaply (relatively, yes) and breathtaking scenery in any given point of the country, and two-day travel time to keep all buggers out. But I still thought America was full of life, very open-minded, very consumer-oriented, yet very demanding and very "you have to have"-oriented. In New Zealand, where they copied the British system of medical care and social welfare, essentially everything is free. You get free emergency care and the proper follow-up; free maternity care and paid leave up to 6 months; free assistance in giving up smoking; free surgery; free gyms for the obese and so on. The system works very simply: if you are unhappy with the public wait, get an insurance and get operated on in a private way. If you do not want to get the insurance - oh well, the government is here to look after you. Things are different in America. 1. You have to have insurance. 1A. For that, you have to be insurable. 1B. You have to be able to afford health insurance, as it is quite pricey. 3. You have to be lucky enough not to have your health insurance cancelled, if your health gets worse. 4. You cannot choose your doctor, as you get one allocated. 5. If you do have insurance and things get sour, they must not turn sour enough for your insurance to cover only some of the costs. And there is probably 6, 7, 8 and so on in finest print. I have no idea how Americans put up with that. With their budgeting, with their military power, with their absolute potential, they get such poor health treatment. I know France is a resourceful country, but look at Cuba! They manage to provide free health care. I imagine Canada can somehow survive by just collecting taxes, not fees. I just feel very grateful that I do not have to live there - despite of all my American dreams. And I will make sure I have a thick travel insurance next time I am over in the States. Because there is no other way.

I am a big fan of Chef Gordon, I am ashamed to admit. I know the Brits dislike him for "bringing Britain down" and everybody else dislikes him for being an arrogant sweary ass, but I think he has got lots of drive and charisma and initiative. So every Thursday, at 9.30pm I dutifully watch his show, Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares. With a tacky start - him throwing knives around - he actually does put on a hell of a performance. What happens in brief is he goes to dying restaurants and tries to turn the business around. The restaurants being on their last leg usually don't mind. Of course his job is partly to create the tension between the front and the back of the house, so he could mend things and save the place. So Gordon the Saviour changes the menu, fires a person or two, gets the staff agitated (You have to drive it! Drive it!) gets some vip customers in and voile. And if you think you can imagine a good restaurant going bad, you have to think twice. Some of them are truly - un-fucking-believably - bad. There is a place somewhere in LA which calls itself upmarket, yet serves powdered mashed potatoes. Or pre-made - and frozen potato mash. Or frozen veggies from a supermarket. That's not to mention sauces from a packet and desserts that only need microwaving. I specifically leave alone the hygiene issues, rats, freezers that don't freeze properly and how often the microwave is used. There's plenty of bad restaurants around, probably more that we think of it. Another dubious question is how all these people end up owning a restaurant! Is it just like somebody who likes eating a bit too much and watches a bit too much of Nigella (another bloody Brit teaching us how to cook!) and thinks it is a glamourous enterprise, when all you do is walk around and brush off B-list celebrities trying to sneak in? I think this is the only explanation of how all these weak mumblers who cannot put a thing together go bankrupt with their hospitality businesses. But the point is that without actually going to the restaurant, you have no way of knowing whether it is really any good - or bad. Which is OK if you are a local and get access to the word-of-mouth and town paper reviews. But if you are a visitor you just walk in to a place which looks somewhat nice and end up paying $27.50 for a frozen fish and powdered potatoes, and be grateful not to get the food poisoning. You know, I used to laugh at people who would research their travels, googling everything out, from sightseeing to local souvenirs. Well, I don't any more. I have seen enough bad restaurants (and even worked at one, but it was bad for other reasons, I just want to mention it here for extra credibility) to diligently study Zagat's guide to eating out in the places before even getting on the plane. And it is not just fine dining! Of course you are less likely to be poisoned in a finer place, but there is no insurance about getting a bad experience just about everywhere. Maybe I am just getting older and becoming more of a snob? I used to be like, ah, let's play it by ear, and now I believe in research and knowledge and anti-bacterial wipes in a handbag. I will never open my own restaurant nor will I eat in random places if I can avoid it (which I usually can). But for those of you who might have your own restaurant and the business is going slowly, Gordon's way to succeed is fresh local ingredients cooked simply. Bang, bang, bang - and you have to drive it, of course.

Recently I discovered the joy of watching 6 pm news; for some reason I truly enjoy it. Besides, 6 o'clock news give you something to talk to over dinner. Amazing things are happening in the world! Amazing and fascinating. Hillary vs Obama. I have always been a huge fan of Hillary. A, she is smart. B, she could be the first female US President ever, C, she is good looking, D, she has lots of the White-House experience. Plus, Obama is a bit too much to ask. But her recent arrogance has pissed me off so much, I do honestly believe she is going to miss out this time. I think a woman's strength is in her subtleness and assertiveness, not in iron jaw and clenched fists. I support Obama now, not only in Obama vs Hillary battle, but in his run for presidency altogether. He is fresh blood, and this is what is needed there, not the same old school which Hillary belongs to. And, being brown might actually help him to regulate the conflicts better in the Middle East. Obama for President, Hillary to retire. The other old guy. All said, I still respect that McCain guy. A 71 years old, who could not raise his arms above his shoulder line, is not a typical old fellow. The only thing is that the presidency term is at least 4 years, and he has had a tough life, let's face it. Putin & Medvedev. Hmm, a tough one. I predict a total economical mess in the next 18 months in the country of Russia. The territory is being divided into new power zones, and if I was a foreign investor, I would wait out. Besides, if that little new guy has got any little brainies in his head, he should try and get rid of Putin, which is highly improbable and might turn out as a high-powered war. Moreover, the longer he is President, the more I like him - tough job that is, and no real power. Putin + Kabaeva. It is an April Fool's joke, which stuck around. A joke! Myanmar. Selfish little shits, their government that is. Enough said. Bradgelina are pregnant with twins, and boy she is big! Junior Doctors' Strike. Give them the money! NZ TV Ads. Those $14mln spent so far on the ads "It is not OK" to prevent family violence seem to be a wise investment - more and more males are ringing the hot line to try and get their anger managed. Apparently, it is the most successful social ad in NZ history. Naked News On Alt TV. They want it to be both informative and comedian. Pathetic. God forbid. P.S.: Auckland City Council's Parking Division has now a marketing manager - the guy who thought up the Segway idea. Parking wardens cruising around in Segways. I can't figure our whether it is hilarious or sad. What's next, Sealegs for cops?